A note concerning tangents: (I)

We interrupt your irregularly scheduled fiction to bring you this special documentary coverage of our author's expeditionary antics:

Current Location: Lancaster, NY (N 42°57.182', W078°36.148')
Distance Traveled: 398.0 Miles

Set out from Massachusetts today after acquiring my boon companions. For his Journey to the West Xuanzhang got Sun Wukong, Zhu Bajie, and Sha Wujing as well as a magic staff, a jug of fire, and a dragon to ride. I'll need to make due with Edison and Hannibal. Corona is as faithful a steed as ever. We left the Ring at the Shire and decided it wasn't worth it to go back to get it. No biggie, we didn't really want to go to Mt. Doom anyway, although I will admit to looking forward to riding the giant Eagle.

We received, via carrier pigeon, our first objective: Visit the shore of each Great Lake, touch its waters, and collect materials from the area. With that in mind we set forth for Lake Ontario. Our trip through western New York set Edison into a PTSD fugue where he thought he was in the Wetlands of the Eastern Kindgoms. He kept babbling about Murlocs and twitching. Hannibal relieved him of his duties as navigator.

En route we established that trucks are apparently operated solely by larger, older white males. We maintain that somewhere there is Mecca for attractive female truckers and one day we shall discover it during the annual wet T-shirt and wrestling competitions. A quest, perhaps, for another time.

Some 327 miles later we finally arrive at Ontario Beach Park and disembark. Hannibal remained with Corona to guard our gear while we went EVA.

We took full precautionary measures despite the harmless appearance of the area. It seemed our timing was impeccable, for we found trace evidence of the rare and deadly Legion Gull: its broad, multifarious tracks had disrupted large portions of the beach. Attempts at documenting them failed despite a noble attempt by Edison.

With the light waning, and our specimens acquired, we procured some local cuisine, and returned to the barren wastes of interstate 90. Our next destination is Lake Eerie. We plan on assaying its shores somewhere in Ohio.

[Notes from Edison:
Uncertain stares and uneasy looks accompanied our appearance. Perhaps the rugged self-reliance of we of the mountains is passe in the plains (and Wetlands) of the west. Still, further we shall go; and see if the libidinous vixens of the far blue can resist.
No strangers to the open road, our spirits still soar against the monotony only brushingly glimpsed in the past hours. No fear.
As the sage once said "Ah... Push it. Push it real good."
Adios, exeunt.]

I will leave you now with this photograph of breathtaking nature as seen from one of the fine scenic viewing stands of the Clarence Rest Station. Thank you, America, and good night. This is the Nickness, signing off:

Thank you for tuning in, both long and first time readers! In our next episode: A Secret Plan Gestates, Ohio: Why Is There So Much Of It?, A Possible Love Interest For Hannibal?, and Thrilling Amusements!